morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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