yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
