put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
