Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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