Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
