i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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