Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
