We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
