he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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