A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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