He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
