so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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