What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
