They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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