Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
