I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
