also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
