hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
