garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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