there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
