Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
