This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
