He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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