I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
