did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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