My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
