I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
