I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
