last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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