We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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