i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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