Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
