question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
