The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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