There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
