you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
