mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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