If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
