i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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