I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
