You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
