i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
