I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
