Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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