you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
