Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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