when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
