best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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