I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
