Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
