Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
