told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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