How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just had sex bonerless
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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