Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
