She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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