i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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